DRUGS EH?

IF ALL THAT TALK OF DRUGS GOT YOU THINKING [ OR DROOLING ]
(AND I KNOW IT DID ME WHEN I WROTE IT),
THEN HAVE YOU CONSIDERED YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM?
WITH MIND ALTERING CHEMICALS I MEAN?

I KNOW I HAVE:
I STARTED WITH BOOZE AND THEN PROGRESSED THRU THE LOT:
GRASS; SPEED; PILLS; COKE; ECSTASY; D.M.T AND SMACK.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I HAD AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY 
WHEN I WAS 19 AND COULDN'T HANDLE AN EVENING IN LONDON 
WITHOUT A JOINT.
UNABLE TO SCORE, I DROVE 60 MILES TO NEWBURY FOR A SMOKE!
SINCE THEN THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN MANY TIMES
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS THE DRUGS
THAT GOT ME INTO THESE SITUATIONS.
DENIAL PLAYED A BIG PART IN MY DISEASE.

AND IT'S NOT JUST DRUGS!
I CAN BECOME ADDICTED TO ANYTHING THAT
TAKES ME OUT OF MYSELF:
WHEN SPACE INVADERS ARRIVED IN
THE PINBALL ARCADES OF LONDON I WAS GONE.
I MOVED IN! I BECAME OBSESSED AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERED.
I WOULD PLAY UNTIL I RAN OUT OF MONEY,
THEN VISIT MY GIRLFRIEND BRIEFLY AND SQUEEZE HER FOR MORE.

IN THE EARLY NINETIES I WAS TOLD 
I HAD TO STOP SMOKING CANNABIS BECAUSE 
IT WAS SENDING ME BLIND!

I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR AND SOUGHT A SECOND OPINION:
'SO ANDY,  YOU SAY SMOKING CANNABIS IS SENDING YOU BLIND?'
'YES DOCTOR, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?'
'STOP SMOKING IT !'

BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR. 
I TRIED EVERYTHING BUT: 
MUSCLE RELAXANTS; EYE EXERCISES; OTHER DRUGS;
I EVEN VOLUNTEERED FOR EXPERIMENTAL LASER SURGERY
[THAT COULD HAVE REALLY SENT ME BLIND]
RATHER THAN GIVE UP SMOKING JOINTS.

I FINALLY FOUND THE MIRACLE CURE THAT ALLOWED ME TO DRAW AGAIN:
IT RELAXED MY EYES, STOPPED THEM HURTING AND ALSO
ALLOWED ME NOT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT A MESS MY LIFE WAS.

WHAT IS THIS MIRACLE DRUG?
WHY, HEROIN OF COURSE!

THAT'S A SENSIBLE IDEA ANDY: REPLACE ONE DRUG WITH ANOTHER!
FROM A SO-CALLED 'SOFT DRUG' THAT MADE ME PARANOID, 
PSYCHOTIC AND WAS SENDING ME BLIND,
TO A KNOWN KILLER THAT I SAID I'D NEVER DO.

THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS THE NATURE OF THE BEAST:

IF YOU ARE AN ADDICT LIKE ME [SOMEONE WITH AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY],  
YOU MAY RECOGNIZE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF IN MY STORY:
THE PROGRESSION; THE SWAPPING; THE DENIAL, THE DISINTEGRATION.

WHEN I STARTED TAKING THEM I DID IT BECAUSE I [CLAIMED TO] ENJOY IT;
OKAY, SO DOPE DID MAKE ME PARANOID,
BUT DID I EVER CONSIDER STAYING STRAIGHT?
NOT ON YOUR FUCKING LIFE!

IT'S ONLY NOW THAT I'M YEARS CLEAN  
OF ALL MOOD ALTERING CHEMICALS, INCLUDING DRINK,
THAT I CAN SEE WHY I TOOK THEM:
I DIDN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN
AND I WANTED TO CHANGE THAT.
I HAD FEARS THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO FACE,
SO I AVOIDED THEM BY BLOTTING THEM OUT.
I HAD A LOT OF ANGER THAT I WANTED TO SUPPRESS, ETC. ETC.
I COULD GO ON, AND ON!

NOW I LOOK BACK ON THESE LAST YEARS
AS THE BEST OF MY LIFE! 
I AM ALIVE, LIKE I'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE, AND LOVING IT!

ANYONE CAN STOP TAKING DRUGS;
I'VE DONE IT A MILLION TIMES.
THE TRICK IS TO STAY STOPPED!

HOW HAVE I REMAINED CLEAN {A DAY AT A TIME} FOR ALL THESE YEARS?

I GO TO MEETINGS OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE,
WHERE I MEET WITH OTHER ADDICTS AND WE HELP EACH OTHER STAY CLEAN.
JUNKIES; CRACK-HEADS; SPEED-FREAKS AND DOPERS SHARE THE ROOM
WITH ALCOHOLICS, GRANNIES ON VALIUM AND KIDS ON GLUE.
BECAUSE THE DRUGS MAY BE DIFFERENT BUT THE PEOPLE ARE THE SAME:
WE HAVE ADDICTIVE PERSONALITIES,
BUT WE WANT TO STOP TAKING DRUGS.
AND STAY STOPPED!

YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO BE CLEAN TO COME, 
THE DESIRE TO BE CLEAN IS ENOUGH;

THERE'S NOTHING TO SIGN OR PAY;
YOU CAN ARRIVE LATE; LEAVE EARLY.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO SAY YOUR NAME IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

I SLEPT A LOT  IN MY EARLY DAYS
AND FARTED LIKE A DEMON!
BUT NOBODY SEEMED TO MIND;
THEY JUST SAID 'KEEP COMING BACK'.
AND I DID.

MY OWN ADVICE IS:
TRY TO LISTEN; CONCENTRATE ON THE SIMILARITIES IN PEOPLE'S STORIES;
REMAIN OPEN MINDED AND IF YOU NEED HELP, ASK FOR IT.

YOU'LL MEET PEOPLE WITH LOTS OF CLEAN-TIME WHO'LL INSPIRE YOU,
AND PEOPLE WITH SADDER STORIES THAN YOUR OWN [WHO YOU YOURSELF CAN HELP]
AND WHO'LL REMIND YOU HOW MUCH FURTHER DOWN YOU COULD GO.

I WAS CONVINCED IT WAS A CULT BEFORE I CAME, BUT I NOW KNOW IT ISN'T.
IT ISN'T RUN WELL ENOUGH TO BE A CULT!

IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF LIKE-MINDED SOULS
WITH AN APPETITE FOR (SELF) DESTRUCTION,
WHO'VE PULLED BACK FORM THE BRINK IN THE NICK OF TIME.

 

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS HAS A NATIONAL HELPLINE
WHICH YOU CAN PHONE JUST FOR A CHAT
IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A PROBLEM,
AND THEY CAN DISCUSS IT IN DETAIL AND
MAYBE POINT YOU TO A MEETING IN YOUR AREA:

0207 730 0009  (Open 10am until 10pm)
0845 FREEDOM
0845 (3733366) Open 24hours emergency service

AND A WEB-SITE:  

WORLDWIDE:  www.na.org

THERE IS ALSO  A FELLOWSHIP FOR FRIENDS & FAMILY MEMBERS OF ADDICTS;
MY GIRLFRIEND SOUGHT SUPPORT FROM THEM WHEN I WAS STILL GETTING WASTED
AND SHE CONTINUES TO GO TO THIS DAY:
IT WORKS IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS N.A.
WHEREBY SITTING IN A CIRCLE, LISTENING AND LEARNING FROM ANOTHER'S EXPERIENCE,
RECEIVING SUPPORT FROM OTHERS IN THE SAME BOAT
(AND EVENTUALLY GIVING SUPPORT TOO)
AND TALKING HONESTLY ABOUT HOW ONE FEELS
SEEMS TO HAVE A VERY MAGICAL, HEALING EFFECT.
F.A. (FAMILIES ANONYMOUS) 020 7498 4680

I FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT THIS NOW,
HAVING SEEN ENOUGH FRIENDS DIE FROM THIS DISEASE;
AND IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR DOWN THE PAGE
MAYBE YOU FEEL SOME AFFINITY.

I LOOK BACK  TO MY YOUTH AND THINK:
WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS?
SHOW ME THE CLUES IN MY BEHAVIOUR?

I SUPPOSE IT WOULDN'T HAVE MADE ANY DIFFERENCE:
DENIAL IS A POWERFUL THING.
ESPECIALLY TO AN ADDICT.
AND I AM AN ADDICT!
AND NOT JUST TO DRUGS.
I'LL USE ANYTHING: ADRENALINE; SEX; FOOD; SHOPPING; BIKING.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT? I'LL USE IT!
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY. . .
EVER MOVING FORWARD,
ANDY SPARROW

OTHER NUMBERS FOR REFERRALS

NHS DIRECT 0845 46 47
INFORMATION ON HEALTH & DRUG ISSUES, PREGNANCY, HIV & AIDS

RELEASE 020 7603 8654
LEGAL ADVICE AND DRUG INFORMATION

PARENTLINE 0808 800 2222
ADVICE FOR PARENTS (9am-9pm)

AL-ANON 020 7403 0888
SELF-HELP GROUP FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS OF ALCOHOL USERS

CHILDLINE 0800 11 11

MAKE USE OF THESE NUMBERS AND PASS THEM ON TO ANYONE
YOU FEEL MAY BENEFIT FROM THEM. NO ONE NEED SUFFER ALONE.
I MYSELF WORK A SHIFT ON THE N.A. HELPLINE AND FIND IT SO
REWARDING. ANY VOLUNTEER WILL WELCOME YOUR CALL AT
ANY OF THESE HELPLINES.